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The Forbidden List – Foods to say buh-bye to.

21 Dec

The following list of foods might shock you. It might even anger you, or send you into fits of absolute rage.

Consider this a friendly, helpful guide that will save your poor widdle taste-buds, who have been tortured long enough by your laziness!

– The Forbidden List –

 

1.

 

Baked beans, left.

Yeah, you always hear me ragging on about baked beans, but this is some serious shit people! I can’t even begin to count the amount of Aussies people who have resorted to a can of these gluggy beans in sugar tomato sauce on toast after perusing the pantry and deciding they just could. not. be. bothered.

You should be ashamed of yourself! Surely you could have come up with something a little more creative, and appetising, than that! Baked beans should be reserved for four year old’s learning important life lessons in microwave use and for lifting weights around the house to lose the arm jiggle fat YOU put on by eating this crap in the first place! Only drunk yobbos’ getting home after a late night, and unemployed people like baked beans as much as four year olds.

 

2.

 

2-Minute Noodles, left.

Maggi can make all the bloody flavours they like. Satay and sweet and sour and roast chicken- PFFT!!! I will still never eat this stuff again, and neither should you if you want to be a valuable member of society. The only people who have an excuse to eat these are elderly pensioners with no teeth and soft gums and guys who just got home from the hospital after losing their teeth in a Saturday night bar brawl. And almost every Aussie bloke has been there once. These noodles are a cop out- you have no excuse to reach for a pack of these because all you have to do is add hot water- be kind to your tastebuds, please, I beg you!

 

 

 

3.

 

 

 

Instant mashed potato, left.

I have never tasted anything more wrong, anything more unnatural in my whole life. This stuff is bizarre. I don’t pretend to understand and I am definitely NOT going to pretend to like it. I think it is just downright freaky!

I know sometimes washing, peeling, chopping and waiting for your potatoes to boil before you can mash them is a pain in the butt. I know you wanted your mashed potato fifteen minutes ago. I know the only potatoes you have in your pantry are growing things on them you’ve only ever seen in Alien films, but please, don’t resort to this instant mash business. Why? Because first of all, it tastes like shit. Second of all, it’s full of shit and thirdly, because you will feel like shit after eating it knowing you are a lazy turd who couldn’t be bothered feeding your face with anything better! Leave the dehydrated, just-add-water foods to the astronauts, okay?

These three items are the biggest threat to your tastebuds, so avoid them at all costs.

What foods do you think should be added to The Forbidden List?

This list will be frequently updated, so get thinking!

 

 

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Posted by on December 21, 2006 in General

 

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